Wow...what words. But can we truly walk this out? I know after three years its still rough for me to be strong. To know I start my day without the love of my life. That reality hits me every morning like a ton of bricks. No matter how much I pray or who I might even think I might want date...I still face the fact that it is not the love of my life. Then Papa pulls me back most days and says, "child I am still with you and have and will always be with you. I hold you up and will carry you through this day". I hear you Papa, I lean on You and Your grace and Your son Jesus holds my hand. Widows know we are truly not alone...but if you feel the way I encourage you to write it down on a calendar each day you have a bad depression and the leave blank the days you don't so you can see how much time you are spending there. Remember it is not shameful or wrong to miss the one you loved so much but we CANNOT live there. Keeping this calendar helps us actually SEE how much time we are spending there look at it as a tool only. When I was first widowed I wrote the following poem and I go back there because it helps me. Written August 19, 2009:
My love, my love I awake and you're not here
My love, my love I eat and
you're not here
My love, my love I live and you're not here
My love, my love I pray and you're not here
Dear Papa, Dear Papa I awake and I know
he's with You
Dear Papa, Dear Papa I eat and I know he's with You
Dear
Papa, Dear Papa I live and I know he's with You
Dear Papa, Dear Papa I pray
and I know You are with me
My love, my love I awake and you're not here
My love, my love I eat and
you're not here
My love, my love I live and you're not here
My love, my love I pray and you're not here
Dear Papa, Dear Papa I awake and I know
he's with You
Dear Papa, Dear Papa I eat and I know he's with You
Dear
Papa, Dear Papa I live and I know he's with You
Dear Papa, Dear Papa I pray
and I know You are with me